The Secret to Healing Part I

by Wendi Kaiser

So often we pray for healing from life's emotional wounds. I will share a secret with you on healing in the article below.

Come here honey, and get some candy. I have a game for us to play. The little girl's mother was spending seven days in the hospital for an eye operation. The five?year?old had been delighted at the thought of staying at Grandpa's house. But during those days she was subjected to sexual abuse limited only by her grandfather's imagination. I was that little girl. At each of our REZ concerts I share my story of sexual abuse by my grandfather and later by my father. Often after a concert I am asked if I have forgiven these men and if so, how. As a young Christian, after reading Scripture on forgiveness and forgiving, I took a step of obedience in forgiving my abusers. Glenn's song "Colors" so succinctly says it: "Whatever one could ask of faith, obedience will give." Quite honestly, my heart had to catch up with this obedient step. I did not feel like forgiving. In many ways I did not understand how my past affected my present.

The reality of forgiving others has become stronger as I have matured in Christ, but those first embryonic prayers of forgiving were indispensable my spiritual health. To this day, there are stiff areas that God reveals concerning the effects of the abuse where I must, once again, forgive these men. In this sense, forgiveness is an ongoing process in my life. I have forgiven and will continue to forgive all those who have sinned against me.

Forgiving sin is not condoning sin. What was done to me was sinful and evil. It always has been and always will be. The abuse can be forgiven but never legitimized. In that sense it will never be all right. Forgiving does not mean forgetting; it is impossible to forget. God does not expect forgetfulness of us. Nevertheless, my damaged emotions have healed and continue to heal as a result of my faithful and obedient act of forgiving. Understanding and (more important to me) personal peace continued to be given to me as I walked by faith. If I had waited to forgive until my emotions were healed completely or withhold forgiveness until asked for it, I would still be waiting.

For the Christian, forgiveness is not optional but mandatory. Unforgiveness leads to bitterness, not only against the offender but ultimately against God Himself. Bitterness is a progressively damaging emotion which will separate one from God and His forgiveness. As Christians we are commanded against bitterness, "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice" (Eph. 4:31).

We sometimes misunderstand the dynamics of forgiveness. We must forgive to recover and maintain our personal well-being. The dynamics of unforgiveness versus forgiveness have an integral link to our behavior. If we do not forgive someone who has sinned against us, we feel the right to justify our destructive personal actions that we believe are caused by the original offense. We have an "excuse" to act in an unbiblical way. "My problems are his fault." Forgiving others opens the door for dealing with my own problems. We get stuck in destructive behavior by harboring unforgiveness.

When I was a young Christian, Charles Allen's book God's Psychiatry was recommended to me. I want to share one of its poignant illustrations: I remember a scene from "Amos and Andy." There was a big man who would slap Andy across the chest whenever they met. Finally, Andy got enough of it and said to Amos, I am fixed for him. I put a stick of dynamite in my vest pocket and the next time he slaps me he is going to get his hand blown off." Andy had not realized that at the same time his own heart would be blown out. The dynamite of hatred may not only inflict some injury on someone else but also blow out our own heart.

-01/30/03

This article first appeared in Cornerstone Magazine, Issue No. 117.